Tales of (PR) Woe

by Sarah Arvizo

[Source: 99 Problems But a Pitch Ain't One]

Author’s note: Read in the style of Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven.”

 *Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real clients, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Some humoring required. Use only as directed. Your mileage may vary.

*Once upon a Monday, I was dreary
And pondered over the day’s events
As my client’s actions of the day
Had reminded me of certain laments

A client had uttered the scariest words
A PR professional could hear
They said they wanted a press release
On the busiest news day of the year

“We’d like to be in the New York Times tomorrow”
They had uttered without hesitation
Little were they aware of the impending sorrow
That would cause their heart palpitation
…to which we uttered, “Nevermore.”

‘Twas another dark night I poured over a pitch
Chock full of data and wit
I stayed past working hours to refine my work
Knowing for which editor it’d be a great hit

Then we sent the pitch for the client’s review
Hoping to get it greenlit
But our excitement and pride soon subsided
As the pitch was labeled “unfit”
…to which we uttered, “Nevermore.”

[Source: 99 Problems But a Pitch Ain't One]

Another tale speaks of a client seeking to launch a product
So innovative and magnifique
Though to our preparation-minded dismay
They had wished to launch in a week

We reacted in the most appropriate way
And advised on a longer timeline
To which the client replied with much confusion
As the product was already live
…to which we uttered, “Nevermore.”

Over many a night, we compiled event briefing books
To include current weather and all that was in store
Until that fateful day when the client replied
“We are attending said event, no more”

“Something’s come up, and we have to cancel”
They uttered as we locked in more editors
We replied, “Not a problem, we will handle accordingly”
And hesitantly emailed our cancellation letters
…to which we uttered, “Nevermore.”

Of the most woeful events, some are ne’er as maddening
As waiting on a call for client dial-ins
While we sit on the line and listen to a song on repeat
Which after 15 minutes resemble screeching violins

Sometimes they’ll join, sometimes they’ll email
Sometimes they’ll try to call
Sometimes they’ll join a little bit late
But many times ne’er at all
…to which we utter, “Nevermore.”

Such are some tales of woe and dismay
We wish not upon our fellow peers
For some trials of public relations
Make us realize our professional fears

Though think us not bitter as you go about your day
And feel not any trepidation
These are purely humorous accounts
Of clients in many iterations

…to which we utter, “Nevermore!”

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